Marriage and Adultery

 Marriage is a loving relationship of two becoming one.

The reality is that only 50 percent of people who choose to get married are truly and totally in love with each other. So, many choose cohabitation, which is living together instead of getting married. Why? Because many think of saving money with its "presumed compatibility" with marriage. But cohabitation often increases the fear of commitment, and it often leads to a higher rate of divorce after getting married with an already-developed "easy way out" mindset. 

Living by faith, you do not choose cohabitation because it's displeasing to God with your disobedience and your lack of faith and trust in God. Marriage is your sanctification, which is a calling from God to eliminate your pride, your insecurity, and your selfishness. You understand that marriage is your obligation to change yourself into a better person through God's grace to sanctify your commitment to intimacy through your promise to give your body and your life to God. "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed must be kept pure." (Hebrews 13: 4)

Other than love, there may be many other reasons why people want to get married: pushy parents thinking that their children should get married for whatever reasons; having sex only with the sacred vows of marriage; seeking financial assistance and security; and avoiding loneliness. 

How to Stay Happily Married

Change

Marriage is all about change--changing each other.in everyday life and living. At the beginning of a marriage, the changes might seem refreshing, like sunshine and fresh air. But as the marriage continues, and the couple spends more time with each other, they might then notice their differences in characters, in their thinking, and in their preferences. These differences may result in their disagreement and dissatisfaction. If these perceived differences are not changed, adjusted, or addressed, they often lead to more conflicts, frustrations, and even a breakup in their marital relationship.

So, changing each other is not an option.

Living by faith, you seek God's help in changing yourself. You become honest with yourself: what you like and what you don't like in your marriage partner. You ask God to create some teachable moments to express your advice, such as in a peaceful and quiet environment: "Honey, you just have to be more careful." You express your helpful suggestions with your kindness: "Darling, please don't do it again." You learn to use "I" to express your feelings, instead of "you" to connotate blame and judgment, such as "I'm very upset." You become less critical of any unpleasant situation, such as "Please tell me, in the first place, what really happened."

With God's love, you become less critical or demanding, and not threatening, and thereby helping each other in the marriage.

Intimacy

Both sensual and sexual intimacy play a pivotal role in a marriage. 

Seeking sex without intimacy is living with no accountability to God, and that often leads to sexual crimes destroying marriages and love relationships. So, turning to God to seek His help is the only option.

Living by faith, you make your marriage partner feel more loved and less alone. With your trust in God, you use sensual intimacy to help your marriage partner overcome fear--fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of loss of independence, and even fear of memories of past sexual abuse. God gives you the wisdom in foreplay to rekindle your sexual chemistry for better sex performance. To nurture trust and to overcome fear in sexual intimacy, you continue holding hands while walking with your marriage partner, hugging and kissing each other more often while saying "I love you."

Living by faith, you believe God will help your sensual intimacy survive and thrive without sexual intimacy due to the mitigation of sexual intimacy from health issues and hormonal changes as years go by.

Adultery

Adultery is a betrayal of trust, and a break in the bond of a marriage. Adultery is not uncommon these days.

Avoiding adultery

Avoid adultery by doing the following:

1. Not distancing yourself emotionally and physically

2. Not nagging and criticizing each other in public or even in private

3. Not spending too much time hanging around with those who don't know your spouse

4. Not disclosing the secrets of your marital life at your workplace or anywhere to avoid "emotional adultery"

5. Not committing "visual adultery" with your "eyes" because your eyes are gateways to your soul.

6. Not threatening "divorce" with your spouse--it often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

A Biblical Illustration

David was a humble shepherd who killed Goliath, a giant warrior, by slinging a stone on the giant's forehead and then cutting off his head. Due to his heroic fame, David was adopted into the family of King Saul, and later became King David.

Despite his efforts in seeking God's wisdom, King David also demonstrated the dark side of his sin of lust by committing adultery.

One night, King David saw Bathsheba, the wife of one his generals, bathing on the rooftop. Succumbing to his own sin of lust, King David sent for Bathsheba and committed adultery with her. To further gratify his lust, King David even purposely sent the general to the war front to have him killed so that he could marry the general's widow. 

King David eventually married Bathsheba. Although penitent for his sin of lust, God punished King David, and their firstborn son died.

Another Biblical Illustration

King Solomon, the second son of King David, despite his profound human wisdom, violated God's standards of sexual purity. His many decisions to marry foreign women with their different gods led to his own idolatry. As a punishment for his sins, God divided Israel, and King Solomon suffered bitterness and emptiness at the end of his life.

A Contemporary Illustration

Tiger Woods, one of the world's most famous and wealthiest golfers, was caught with the dark secrets of his infidelities and lies in 2009. At first, he vehemently denied and even concealed them. Eventually, he was more forthcoming with the accusations and apologetic to his fans and family at several press conferences. 

But Tiger Woods's serial adultery and cheating made it difficult for his wife to accept his sincerity and repentance. They were divorced in 2010.

Living by faith, you remember your own accountability to God, without which you will do anything and everything, thinking you can always get away with it. 

Living by faith, you know the truth that God is always just, and his omnipresence is in whatever you do. So, you always live in the presence of the Shepherd, letting the Shepherd guide you in the green pastures throughout your marriage.

Stephen Lau

Cohabitation