Love and Forgiveness

 Love and Forgiveness

 “Love” is a big word in all human civilizations. For all religious disparities, love still plays an important role in all the world’s religions. Love is essential in human lives and happiness, especially living in a world of aggression and violence.

 What’s the real meaning of “love”? Love involves your emotions and your feelings. You love some things and some people. Love, ironically enough, gives you both happiness and unhappiness. When your love is fulfilled, you feel happy; when your love is rejected or unrequited, you then feel the pain, which becomes your unhappiness and even your anger. That, unfortunately, is also the reality of love.

If you want to love others--no matter whether they deserve your love or not--you must love yourself first, and that's also the reality of love and life. Ironically enough it isn't easy to love yourself, let along loving others, especially those you're not particularly fond of. 

The truth of the matter is that in your connection with others, while expressing the one original source energy of love, you may see yourself better than others, or others are better than you. In the former situation, with a greater ego, you may then demand others to gratify you first before you can express your love to them. In the latter situation, with lower self-esteem, you may become hesitant in loving others as you should, thinking that your love may be rejected due to your perception of your own unworthiness.

So, remember that love is a “free gift”: you must be ready to receive it as well as willing to give it away for free.

     Real love doesn’t hurt because it’s all about being and giving, and not just about feeling and receiving—that is, being the person not having to use another person to make you feel good or even better about yourself. Love isn’t just about your feelings, but also about your doing—giving away your “free gift” of love. The reality is that true love is neither conditional nor is it based on someone or something else. It’s simply an act of giving in the form of a gift. With no expectation, genuine love never hurts, but infatuation that depends on others’ response always hurts and causes anger.

So, always avail yourself of every opportunity in your life to express your love and care to others around. You pass through life only once, so show your love now, and not later.          

However, truly loving someone is very difficult, if not impossible, unless you love yourself first, which is self-acceptance—accepting yourself with all your imperfections. If you can accept yourself as who and what you are, then it may become much easier for you to accept and love others as who and what they really are because you aren’t different or separate from others.

If you can love, you may be able to forgive and even to forget. Forgiveness is letting go of grudges and bitterness when hurt by someone. Forgiving isn't "excusing" the harm done. Instead of holding on to your anger, resentment, and thoughts of revenge, forgiving is deciding to move forward with peace, hope, gratitude, and joy--the fundamentals of human happiness.

 An Illustration

On September 24, 2016, runner and cyclist Dean Otto was struck down by a car driven by Will Huffman, a 27-year-old salesman, with his buddy on their way to a football game. The crash left Dean Otto paralyzed with his broken vertebrae, a broken pelvis, broken tailbone, a broken right leg, and several broken ribs.

After assessing Otto's condition, Dr. Matt McGirt told the Otto faily that Dean Otto was 99 percent going to spend the rest of his days in a wheelchair. It was sad and scarry news for the Otto family. 

But Otto himself was never scared--or even resentful. Instead, he said a private prayer and instantly forgave Will Huffman. "I knew if I didn't, the resentment would live me alive."

After the surgery on his spine performed by Dr. Matt McGirt, Otto began his miraculous recovery. As a matter of fact, a few hours after the surgery, Otto was able to wiggle his toes.

     Through Facebook, Will Huffman and his wife were finally able to contact Otto's family, who welcomed them graciously with open arms.

     Huffman wasn't surprised that Otto would forgive him, but he didn't expect or imagine that they'd become good friends afterward. Huffman even said: "I think most people would stop there and say, "Nice meeting you, but I'm done."

     Dr. Matt McGirt was also inspired by their close friendship, and he earnestly believed that it was Otto's attitude, forgiveness, and loving-kindness that had brought about his phenomenal recovery. The doctor also remarked: "He not only turned lemons into lemonade, but he's selling that lemonade too. "Otto raised $11,000 for Carolina Rehabilitation's LIFE patients Program for spinal-cord-injury patients.

      On July 22, 2017, Otto, Huffman, and Dr. McGirt reunited and participated in a half-marathon race. Their reunion was widely reported in the media across the United States.

The Bottom Line

     According to Lao Tzu, the ancient sage from China, judging nothing, you'll be happy; forgiving anything, you'll be happier, and loving anything and everything, you'll be the happiest. Not judging everyone you encounter gives you better understanding of humanity, and thus instrumental in learning new ways to love and to help others. Forgiveness is a powerful spiritual medicine that cures all negative emotions and feelings.

“The Creator seems elusive amid the changes of life.

At times, He seems to have forsaken His creations.

In reality, He is simply observing the comings and goings of their follies.

Likewise, we watch the comings and goings

of our likes and dislikes, of our desires and fears.

But we do not identify with them.

With no judgment and no preference,

we see the mysteries of creation.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 7)

Stephen Lau